Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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