Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im holly from the hills drunk
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
