Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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