Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize