Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She's the barista slut.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
