i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
