I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
