he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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