I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
