Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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