I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
