i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
