nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
