Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
