i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I can't put those talents on a resume
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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