I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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