Got a toothbrush?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
How external is "for external use only"?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
