I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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