i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
