Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
