just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
