so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
