you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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