Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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