Its about making memories worth repressing
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize