hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
