The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
