I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We need to rekindle our bromance
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
pray to the hookup gods
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
