Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
