I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I intend to get homeless drunk
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
