I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Found the puke drawer
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
