Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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