There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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