if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize