dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
