Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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