Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
