She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
