can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
