Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
