Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
