oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
why is half of my head shaved?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
