Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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