Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
