He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
