I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
