There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This is my gift to your gina
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I am one with the molecules
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
