babies were throwing up all over the place
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
