True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
