she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
