that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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