there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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