i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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