YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
