also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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