I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
