Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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