At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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