omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
