So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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