sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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