it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
