I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize