Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
