watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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