If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
