I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she peed on how many people?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
