ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
